So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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