I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
