So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
