just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
