Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize