i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
