You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
