one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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