Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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