There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
