If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
