Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
