He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize