I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
