Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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