you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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