Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Come on in and take your pants off
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