I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
