just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
