You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
