so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
