if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My feet surprised me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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