Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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