We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
