and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
