You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
