I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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