I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
