drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We smell like vodka and hangover
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