Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
