**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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