tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
