if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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