everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
if only i could text you this smell
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
