God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
