dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize