Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I need to align my fucking chakras
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
