he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
