I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
