tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
