Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
