I am spending my child support on dildos
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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