Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
