May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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