The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
