everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
