I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
