Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
