Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
