Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
