its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
