You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
