Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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