I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
