did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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