Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
