You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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