She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
