Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
my liver is dry heaving
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
