in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
