Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
