come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
