Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
