my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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