She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Someone stole a lamp last night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
