The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize