We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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