ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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