rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
