I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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