OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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