how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
