i barfeds in our rink
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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